The Interweb

 

I swear. I get so frustrated sometimes. I might as well be using fucking NetZero. My bars come and go. Okay, like right now I have 3 bars. Woot Woot. In a minute...HA I can't type fast enough. It's two bars. Now, you understand what I'm working with. Please forgive.

I long for a good network. I also wish for the days of chatting it up in an aol chatroom. maybe, I'll log into my old account and talk to some freaks.

Birthday Shmirthday

It's Renee Zellweger of the 90's. It's muthafuckin Joey Lauren Adams. Damn, I use to hate this bitches voice. Ahh, but what a smile, JLA is a slacker, stoner's wet dream. Not sure what this bitch is up to right now. She is probably drinkin a Long Island Iced Tea at the Hilton in Palm Springs, FL. Well, Happy Birthdays mofo. Live it up. Get F'ed UP!!

Crawdaddy Alert: Miley Cyrus

Yeah, we know this girl is the future of nasty skanks. She is also going to follow in the footsteps of Hayden Panettiere Pantydrop. This weeks Crawdaddy Alert belongs to Camel Toe Miley Cyrus.

Girl is always showing her just desserts.  I'm so over seeing her chess squares but she wants us to see 'em. She wants the world to see 'em and she wants boys to touch 'em.

Miley is 18. She's a Sag. She gives sag's a bad name. It's a shame because I have love for sag ladies but Miley makes me want to take it back and give it to a Aries. **that's dangerous**

Miley has already dated a Crawdaddy Justin Gaston. I guess we'll just have to wait for her next penny.

Birthday Shmirthday

OMG, it's Screech's birthday. Get geeky with it! Oh and it's also Crawdaddy Nic Cage's bARFday too.
Celebrate by seeing Knowing or Saved by the Bell.

She found his National Treasure

He is so on his way to being as tired as Woody Allen. I tell you, one day you wake up selling sushi to douchebags and the next you're married to one. Oh, I'm being mean. 

Nicolas Cage isn't a total douche. He was responsible for Valley Girl and that was my jam! Well, really Deborah Foreman was the reason that movie was soooo totally tubular. She is one of my fashion icons besides Blanche Devereaux.

So, Nicolas Cage. What's the haps? Basically, he just wines and dines his waitress. They bump the dance of the two beast and have superman! Yes, Superman. Their child's name- Kal-el. Yes, Kal-el. Hmm, I wonder if this means Cagemeister has super sperm? 

One of my friends had a taste of super sperm before. Not Nic Cage's but super none the less. Anyway, she almost died. She was shaking from orgasmic pleasure. She would talk about this dude for HOURS. She almost lost her mind when this fool broke up with her. I say to the hell with him. 

Bitch needed some balance in her life. She was no Lois Lane.

Shmanways, the age difference between Alice and Nic is a mere 20 something years. Hope it last till he passes.

 Nic is going through money woes. If you want to help out his family, go see one of his shitty movies like Season of the Witch or Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance.

I will leave you with a clip of sweet sweet Deborah and Nic when he was so punk.

Rent THIS

Our pick of the week. Beautifully Shot. Amazing actors at their best. Colin Firth is always refreshing and sly. We love Mr. Darcy. We wish he was our on personal crawdaddy!

Birthday Shmirthday

Happy Burfday Mofo's!!!
I hope you're having sex somewhere like your counterpart trudie Styler.

Tell em old man with 1 tooth

I'm about to strut my ass to the bathroom before I piss myself.