I'd like to think in QUOTES

And she was like. And all of them were like. And he was like. It's like I'm dating this guy and he like...

Tales of a Crawdaddy

Rules to be a Matser Crawdaddy

this weeks hint:

Never play Red Hot Chili Peppers 'California' on a jukebox.
Actually, no Song with California in the title...Well, you can play California Love by Tupac and Dre.

Christmas Magic

This is just soooooooooo funny. Infact, my friend Leslie and I look at this video throughout the year just to pee our pants and remember what Christmas is all about! xo

Older men bring home tons of bunnies

Larry likes young fannies

Larry King, 78,  has a very distinguished reputation. Known in the biz as one of the best interviewers around. Larry interviewed tranny Tyra Banks. BOOOOOOORING! Larry has interviewed over 40,000 people since his career started in 1950. Larry likes to get to the root of an interview.

Back in the day, he would 'smoke em if he had em' a until that prick had to get a bypass surgery in the 80's. just so you know, having a bypass surgery and surviving it are the Academy Awards for a Crawdaddy. I mean a near death experience is  a modern day miracle. Larry knows about modern day miracles. The man has been around since the 30's. I'm so sure he has some severe scrotum drop.

Larry's wife Shawn Southwick-King is 48. She is Larry's seventh wife. WHAAAAT? this motherfucker has been married seven times. She is some singer, model, and other claims to fame that none of us mofo's know about. Supposedly, she was going to sing at Michael Jackson's tribute with Jermaine Jackson. Thank gawd that shit didn't go down.

Larry and Shawn have two kiddies and seem to be making it work. Maybe it's because allegedly this hooker is popping pills and drinking Peach Schnapps all day. we here at Crawdaddies support love in all its forms. Congrats to Larry.  XOXO











Last but not least Oprah. Tyra Banks only wishes.

Geezers using tweezers

Ahh, shucks!!! Is this true? Could this be? Well, yes dear reader it is. I spoke with a gentlemen at the bar yesterday. I needed to release some of that thankfulness. I figured the best way I could, would be to not  be thankful while downing a six pack. HahahahahahHAHAHa you damn ALCHI. Anyway, I choked up a friendly conversation with this old ass man about dating. He is recently divorced from his third wife. He is on the market.  I asked him about his love life. He was siked to give me all sorts of tawdry details.

Here's the thing, what sent me all to the mortuary was that he told me some steps to his mac appeal. One of those steps ladies and peens was to pluck his gray pubes. So, bizarro right? I know. It seriously made me a zombie. The gent was really kind in relaying this information to me. I guess drinks will get you to the truth faster than a truth serum from a James Bond film.

Shmanywayheyhey, just thought you guys might want to be informed of this little tid bit...the more you know.

Black Friday

Every Friday is a black friday for me. THANK GOD. I decided that on Americas Black Friday I will start a new tradition. Its going to be everything Black on Black Friday. I'm wearing nothing but Black. I will act as no nonsense like Maya Angelou. I will be as tough and smooth like Maurice Chesnut. I will be as foxy as Nia Long. I will tell it like it is like Oprah. Fuck i will Skype like Oprah too. I will patronize Black grocery stores...Stay away from the produce! Ask Chris Rock he knows. I will go to Black Establishments. Eat the best food imaginable. I will listen to R&B radio. It will be full throttle.Please join me in my efforts to take Black Friday Back.

Thanks!!!!!!!

P.S. i went to google to see what images came up, when i entered the word black. It was a Black gulls big big huge black ass. Aargh! Which reminds me I will also use Blackle on Black Friday... yes, i know it is still Google search engine. Jeez why don't you bite my Black ASS!

A Crawdaddy Thanksgiving

Gobble Gobble gobble gobble Mofo's. No don't gobble crawdaddy dicks...we mean turkeys. Eat so much Thanksgiving dinner that you throw up or fall asleep. We know you want to escape all this pilgrim/indian shit. What better way to escape than getting stuffed and passing the fuck out.

We here at Crawdaddies are thankful for so much. We are thankful for our amazing life. We are thankful that our cohort Leslie K. is having her 30th today. We are thankful for our amazing family and friends. We are thankful for all the old crusts that date youner vags. We are thankful that you blessed reader visits our ridiculous website.

Happy Thanksgiving BITCHES!!!!!!!! Go have Thanksgiving around a ping pong table like Charlie Brown