Seriously People

Okay, why am I still seeing McCain Palin bumpers. I mean they are even done...let it go!
That is all.

Jason Statham needs more Snatch

Jason Statham. You may know him from such films as Lock Stock and Two smoking Barrels, Crank, Snatch, The Italian Job, and the Transporter films. With the Transporter films Jason has upgraded in his Snatch department. Jason likes em all. Well, likes em all with BIG BOOBS. The bigger the better. He just wants to stick his ping pong between those floatation devices and forget how many crunches he's done for the day.

I mean that man probably does 700 crunches a day. He probably uses women during sex as weights. Lifting them up and down. He throws them up in the sky and catches them with his peen, nasty ass. Well, most of Jason's women are no name actress that we could give two shits about. Actually, we don't care about Jason either. He dated that girl Sophie Monk. Argh. That bitch dated the likes of 'Nanny Fucker' Jude Law, Benji dog face Madden, and believe it or not Ryan Gaycrest. Heeehehehehehe. I bet Jason wants that off his roster. Currently, Jason is dating 25 year old Alex Zosman. Rumour on the street is that Alex use to be an escort. Awww shit, some Pretty Woman shit right there. Google it. You'll get the 411. Anyway, she must not be giving Jason what he needs because he has been around the block with other girls while dating her. One of those blocks he ventured is supposedly Kate 'Herpes' Hudson. Also, Jason was seen cuddling up to Kristin Crapalari. God, we shouldn't even talk about that no name bitch. She is no name.

Anyway, we hope Jason can still keep getting his young Snatch. He can Transport those pussies!

P.S. Just for shits and giggles here is an interview with him and those stale Cool Ranch Dorito Hoes on the Today Show.

Billy Joel is done with your hole

Billy Joel and third wife Katie Lee are finalizing their divorce. In June of 2009, to the shock of somebody Billy Joel announced that he and 33 year younger Katie were separating. WELL, DOUG!!!!! Like anyone thought that would last? Like anyone thought anything about it? Like we even know who the fuck Katie Lee is? Play us another song piano man.

Supposedly, Ms. Lee has been getting super fresh to an Israeli Fashion Designer. WHOOOOOAAA shit. That's a damn Lifetime Movie. I hope the bitch gets captured and then this will be some fucking Dateline shit. Nah, I understand I would get tired of fucking Billy Joel. We all would. If there is a man, who could design me a dress and serve me up some champagne and then fuck me on a runway...i'm there. Billy Joel stood no chance in Israel. JeHehehehe.

I mean really dude, this is your third wife. Three strikes and you're out, bitches! This girl was so bored of your peen. So, bored. She was snoring by the time you stuck it in. She could've had a V8. He should have known that the marriage was doomed before it started. She was just 4 years older than his daughter. HA!

Poor Joel he should hook back up with Christie Brinkley. They both have failed marriages and they actually stuck it out with each other for a long time. Get married again guys. They should become the faux Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor. SIKE!

Billy Joel go stick it where the sun doesn't shine. I'm sure you can find a new fresh hole.

Oh Polanski

Roman Polanski writer and director. Roman directed one of my favorite movies Rosemary's Baby and well he liked to fuck babies. It makes sense. I kid i kid. I feel sorry for the dude. He was going to marry Sharon Tate who died tragically while preggers with his baby due to Manson. Shit, thats some crazy ass shit!!!! Still just bonkers to think about. He also survived the Holocaust. So, no wonder the man went ape shit.

He needed to reconnect and reconnect he did. He reconnected to some YOUNG ASS TWAT. Well, young ass model who didn't want his actions. Which totally sucks. Seriously, if someone is not down to fuck you DONT FORCE IT. Anyway, he tried to put the moves on her once during a photo shoot and she felt weird and got up out. Later she agreed to take more photos in Jack Nicholson's home. They took photos where she was drinking champagne and then shit got loco. She couldn't really leave. At the time Samantha Geimer was 13, she didn't understand how to leave. Douchebag POLEanski decided to force sexual acts on the young teen. He did this while pumping her with quaaludes and more champagne.

Roman was charged with rape, sodomy, and other charges. They were later dropped due to a plea bargain. Then the mofo jumped town. Damn, that's some scandalous shit!

We really have nothing witty to cum up with on this one. I mean the man had some major shit go down and flipped the fuck out and did some major shit to someone else. I guess the moral to this one is watch where your pole goes folks!

Kelly likes his #$&^ in ya belly

Okay, I love Rrrrrrrrr. I do. I really love him. I mean the man has the jams. Now some people have just jumped on the R.Kelly train and that's cool but I've always been a fan. Ha hahaha hahaha Ha jumped on his train.

I remember making out to Honey Love with this subpar boy while his dad was in the other room watching Alex Trebeck. The most important part was Mr. Kells. I also had this friend Chris who lived in Peoria and Chicago forever. Anyway, his best friend use to work at R. Kelly's studio. Mr. Kelly up in ya Belly would have all kinds of young ass dolls coming in and sucking him off. He needed it. Oh he needed it. I guess it was no big deal but then that all changed.

R. Kelly got all above it all and decided to marry Aaliyah. RIP. We love Aaliyah. If we were R.Kelly we would've fallen prey to that young tiziiight pussy. I wonder if he asked Aaaliyah to pee on him. I hope so. I hope she peeeeeeed on his face. Cause his face needs some beauty. R. Kelly is straight up fug. Staright up now tell me. Tell meeeee. I think Aaliyah's pee might've put a little more cute up in his game.

Anyway, the marriage was said to not have happened but R. Kelly himself admits to the love he and Aaliyah had. I guess after that bright and shining star he had to fuck alot of young babies. Doin it for the kids. That's some stand up shit there. Fucking the babies for the babies.

Shit, it's the norm now. I mean women are up in the game. Get it and hit it cougars. I'm glad women are making it happen minus the pee... Like my friend Jen said 'if he's got a stick i will drive it'. SAAAAAVE THE BABIES.

Back to Mr. Kelly up in ya Belly, he got caught pissing on some girl in a video. Stupid Ass. Seriously, dude. Get a grip. Hold your pee or dont tape it. I mean people have to get off. I feel ya but when it comes to adding piss and shit well keep it on the DL have we not learned anything from Chuck Berry.

Cheers or Jeers to ChiTowns Finest Crawdaddy. Man, I need to go listen to some bump and grind and then go bump in grind.

http://gossiboocrew.files.wordpress.com/2009/07/rkelly-in-mask1.jpg

No more excuses

We are sorry. We know you want the dish. Baby, we want to give it to you and give it to you hard...Tomorrow major Crawdad news. It's on and it's wet.

Penn is puttin it IN Natalie Portman

Sean freaking Penn. Are you even still relevant? What the fuck ever dude! We hate Sean Penn for how he treated Madonna and his bold arrogance. Ugh, you fug. You think you're such a badass. We disagree. You are a tosser who isn't Spicolli anymore. So, blow it out a rubber hose douchebag.

You act so above it all. Fucking Chris Rock couldn't make a joke on 'Lame-O Jude Law because of you. The man is a comedian and was hosting the Academy's. Surely, he was going to crack some jokes on Jude the Nanny fucker. Then, rescue save hoe (that's you Sean) tried to talk about how Jude is one of the greatest actors of OUR TIME. Shit, we just want to shoot you in the face with a bow and arrow. HATE YOU! Seriously, greatest actors of our time? We guess this makes you King of ALL ACTORS IN OUR TIME. Go to hell No Peen Penn.

Yeah, that's your name now, No Peen Penn. How the fuck did you get Natalie Portman? What a no count talentless act too. The two of you together make for a great movie. Siiiiiiiiiiiiiike! The two of you together make for a great trip to Planned Parenthood.

The sad thing is we can't feel sorry for your ex- wife Robin Wright Penn because she married your Wrinkled Ass Face. Here's to you Sean Penn a true fucking asshole, King of Actors, Wrinkled Ass Face, and The saltiest of Crawdaddies.

P.S. You better be glad we haven't mentioned your tall tales of Blow and Lohan. We know you're really just an old sad sac of man.

Queremos Que El Pene

Like omg, we luv Benicio Del Toro. Just his name causes sensations between our legs. What can we say all girls fall prey to this Crawdaddy. Why wouldn't they? Why wouldn't we? Ahhhhhh, Gawd he makes bitches suck him off in an elevator because they can't lose the chance. That's probably the smartest thing Scarlett Johansson has ever done.

Shmanyways, in the words of Shirley from Garbage we feel this way for Del FUCK ME Toro: queremos morir por usted siente dolor para que usted nos toque un cuchillo y sangra el corazón y nuestro dolor lacrimógenos aparte. InFUCKINGdeed!

Here is this mofo's list of lucky young bitches:

Charlize Theron 33

Sophie Dahl 31

Heather Graham 39

Scarlett Johansson 24 (sucked him off after the Academy Awards in an elevator)

Lindsay Lohan 23 (probably did blow and then sucked him off)

Alicia Silverstone 32

Ines Misan 42
Monet Mazur 33

*just a lucky few*

We are done talking about these lucky hoes. If only we could spend time with this true Hispanic Aquarius Love GOD. Benicio 42 and lovin it.