Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Merry Christmas

This kid is _ _(fill in the blank). Man, if I would've acted like this on Christmas...my mom would've picked up all of my gifts, put them in a closet, and sent my ungrateful ass to bed.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Crawdaddy Moment of the Day

I felt so shitty today. You know the feeling?  It's listening to that bitch Wanda tell you that story about her tired ass boyfriend; still acting like Corky from Life Goes On. You feel a sink in your stomach. You tweek a little and take your eyes off Wanda but that bitch doesn't notice. She's in the middle of her long drawn out tale of how Byron never does shit! You feel a rumble. Your stomach caves in. More rumbling. At any moment, you will need to make a quick dash to the bathroom... Well, that's how i felt all friggin frackin day LONG. My hair was tore as well.

So, an MTA bus driver (old crusty looking, just off work, still sportin his uniform,  and buying a 40) hands this Iranian, carmel, dreamsicle cashier (so cute) his $2.47 IN CHANGE! Crusty turns and looks dead at my boobs. He looks so far into my chest that he can find the scar from me burning my tits from a pop tart 5 years ago. He finally finds my face and is like 'hey, miss miss, wanna have a drink wit me'. Of course, i had my boyfriends Four Loco and my Boones Farm in my hand. I just shook my head and diverted my gaze like I'm Rosie O'Donnel.

Just foul. 


maybe I could take it as a compliment. Maybe I could come off classy. I could smile, nod, and politely shake my head no. Maybe I could run up to him and thrust my boobs into his face and take a deep breath and say aaaaaabsolutely. 

Um, no not going to happen. Completely offended here. If I weren't going to sooth my shitty day with that there Boones, I would shove it up his walnut shaped ass.

I swear. There are crawdaddies for any occasion. Crawdaddies everywhere. Hangin out at corner stores, Mcdonald's, Claires, salon's, subways, airports, parks, senior centers, sports bars, librarys, yo mama's house, church, school, movie theaters, bathrooms, rest stops, book clubs, gyms, target, band practice, FCA, work, hospitals, and even up your nose. Blah blah.

this concludes my C moment of the Day.

Friday, June 4, 2010

Sooooooookie is so lucky

This edition of TV Crawdaddy...Eric Northman.

I'm a fan of Eric but my heart still belongs to William Compton. I'm an ever faithful puppy but hey I could be down with Mr. Northman. He's a thousand but he likes em young and old.

Tune to HBO June 13th. I know I will.


I started a terrible trend that my man has gotten up on. This trend is watching either the View or Wendy Williams while getting ready for work in the mornings. I know I'm a shameful bitch for watching these hookers. What can I say to make it right?

Shmanyways, Mr. Hotness told me that on one of the shows (can't 'mber which one) they are stating the name for a  male version of a cougar is...a manther. Um, what? DOUBLE TAKE. My head is spinning. These bitches got it WRONG!

I need you, dear readers to let eeeeerrrrrbody know CRAWDADDIES is the word. There is no half steppin on this. We will let all these bonehead mofo's know that it's all about a crawdaddy. C-R-A-W-D-A-D-D-Y!
Let's shout it from the rooftops of our shitty houses, lofts, apartments, condos and so on. Word!

Monday, March 8, 2010

Why in the name of all thats holy

Just in case you want your friends to know everytime you head to the adult bookstore or Krystals then sign up for Blippy.

Wtf, people? Why do we have to share everything? PRIVACY is this the new lost art. Well, i'm bringing it back. PRIVACY. Just because you call doesn't mean I'm available to talk. Just because we're friends we don't have to know where we both shop. Just because you text me it doesn't mean I can text you right back. THE SAME GOES FOR ME. So, let's chill out and stop all this social networking but if you want to http://blippy.com/
might be for you.

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Bianca says 'You Boob'

My future faux sis in law/ my lady friend is now introduced to Bianca. Bianca now thats a bad bad bitch.

Beverly Hills Teens replaced Jem and the Holograms at 6:30 am Mon- Fri on channel 17 when I was in school. At first, I was pissed. Then, my emotions changed like Naomi Campbell. I was hooked. I wanted that canker sore Lark to be destroyed!

A little Jem and the Ho's for ya. Okay, this was my absolute jam. I have Glitter and Gold on tape but I wish I had Who Is He Kissing. Man oh man that was my shit.

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Menage a CrackHO

Charlie Sheen uses he's peen like a preacher uses a bible. I swear this man is doing the devils work. How is he able to keep up his extracurricular activities and not get his ass beat. People love Charlie.

In fact, I'm willing to bet that this fool could've fucked Mother Teresa and that Ho...would go down. Charlie would get out of it no probs. The man has some sort of Mystical Dickdom. How did he and young wifey pick out there vag of the week? I hope its a website where you can choose your drug, booze, and your hooker of choice. Combination # 5. Marion Barry likes Combination #7. It's Crack, Alize, and A Tina Turner

Charlie gets a slap on the wrist. more like a tap on dat ass and Chris Brown gets...
it's so fucked. Not that I think Chris Brown is Charlie Brown. But damn can we make this shit equal on some level.

I'd like to think in QUOTES

And she was like. And all of them were like. And he was like. It's like I'm dating this guy and he like...

Tales of a Crawdaddy

Rules to be a Matser Crawdaddy

this weeks hint:

Never play Red Hot Chili Peppers 'California' on a jukebox.
Actually, no Song with California in the title...Well, you can play California Love by Tupac and Dre.