Saturday, August 29, 2009

We LUV Agent Crawdaddies

Oh agent Dale Cooper, nothing compares to you except maybe Bill Compton but that's it.
You are my absolute favorite. I adore you and ever since I was in 8th grade, you have set the standards for my love life.

Agent Dale Cooper 30, had intimate bonds with several young women: Audrey Horne, 18 (who is by far the hottest chick ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) Annie Blackburn, 20 and Caroline Earle (age unknown yet we know is young from a retelling of the story to Audrey).
Agent Dale Cooper is dreamy, smart, magical, sex on stick, a good dresser minus the plaid shirts of Second Season and most of all he is a knight. Rescue me Coop!

Dj Crawdaddy

Well hell, woke up from a night of Djing for MJ's birthday last night to find out that DJ AM died. This is crazy, seriously. This is some Final Destination type shit, like you can't escape death. This is not to make light of his death. It's just really bananas.

DJ AM's friends were worried about him after not hearing from him for a couple of days. They went to check on him and were not able to get him to answer the door. Authorities were called. The police arrived and knocked down the door. DJ AM was found dead in his apartment at age 36, in sweat pants and no shirt. Supposedly, there was a crack pipe and other drug paraphernalia found on the scene.

Honestly, I do feel sorry for his friends and family. It must be hard to wrap your head around the fact that he survived something almost fated, to pass on a year later.

I hope this DJ Crawdaddy is playing tunes in the sky.

P.S. I hope Blowhan wont go on some dick sucking coke filled rager due to her missing her friend or maybe I do.

Here are some picks of this Crawdaddy with some of his honies.

Friday, August 28, 2009

Do You Remember the Times

Oh, we miss the days of ole Jackie Boy and Lara Flynn Boyle. It was ripe with sex, a side eye, a turned up nose, the need to give Lara a cheeseburger and sew her asshole together. We were big fans of this combination. Actually we hoped this would last for a little while longer.
We've always liked Donna Hayward. As far as Jack is concerned. He's a fierce actor and gets major Cho Cho. I mean really lets go through some of this man's box travels:
Candice Bergen
Karen Mayo
Jessica Lange
Michelle Phillips
Bebe Buell
Margaret Trudeau
Faye Dunway (who he actually screwed on set)
Suze Randall
Anjelica Huston (the longest relationship but got fucked bc he fucked and got someone preggers)
and my friend Amanda...well in her dreams. One of my girlfriends a long time ago had a sex fantasy of Jack when he looked like One Flew Over the Poon's Nest.

Shmanyways, life imitates art mofo's and he's even a Crawdaddy in the movies. In Something's Gotta Give, Jack dates a younger woman BUT falls for her mom. He's a true player in and out of celluloid. Well, we hope that Jack can bring about another new young twat to a Lakers Game. Until then we will think fondly of the times we thought Lara and Jack would always and forever do it from the back.

G's up Hoe's Down.

Seriously People

Okay, why am I still seeing McCain Palin bumpers. I mean they are even done...let it go!
That is all.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Jason Statham needs more Snatch

Jason Statham. You may know him from such films as Lock Stock and Two smoking Barrels, Crank, Snatch, The Italian Job, and the Transporter films. With the Transporter films Jason has upgraded in his Snatch department. Jason likes em all. Well, likes em all with BIG BOOBS. The bigger the better. He just wants to stick his ping pong between those floatation devices and forget how many crunches he's done for the day.

I mean that man probably does 700 crunches a day. He probably uses women during sex as weights. Lifting them up and down. He throws them up in the sky and catches them with his peen, nasty ass. Well, most of Jason's women are no name actress that we could give two shits about. Actually, we don't care about Jason either. He dated that girl Sophie Monk. Argh. That bitch dated the likes of 'Nanny Fucker' Jude Law, Benji dog face Madden, and believe it or not Ryan Gaycrest. Heeehehehehehe. I bet Jason wants that off his roster. Currently, Jason is dating 25 year old Alex Zosman. Rumour on the street is that Alex use to be an escort. Awww shit, some Pretty Woman shit right there. Google it. You'll get the 411. Anyway, she must not be giving Jason what he needs because he has been around the block with other girls while dating her. One of those blocks he ventured is supposedly Kate 'Herpes' Hudson. Also, Jason was seen cuddling up to Kristin Crapalari. God, we shouldn't even talk about that no name bitch. She is no name.

Anyway, we hope Jason can still keep getting his young Snatch. He can Transport those pussies!

P.S. Just for shits and giggles here is an interview with him and those stale Cool Ranch Dorito Hoes on the Today Show.

Monday, August 24, 2009

Billy Joel is done with your hole

Billy Joel and third wife Katie Lee are finalizing their divorce. In June of 2009, to the shock of somebody Billy Joel announced that he and 33 year younger Katie were separating. WELL, DOUG!!!!! Like anyone thought that would last? Like anyone thought anything about it? Like we even know who the fuck Katie Lee is? Play us another song piano man.

Supposedly, Ms. Lee has been getting super fresh to an Israeli Fashion Designer. WHOOOOOAAA shit. That's a damn Lifetime Movie. I hope the bitch gets captured and then this will be some fucking Dateline shit. Nah, I understand I would get tired of fucking Billy Joel. We all would. If there is a man, who could design me a dress and serve me up some champagne and then fuck me on a runway...i'm there. Billy Joel stood no chance in Israel. JeHehehehe.

I mean really dude, this is your third wife. Three strikes and you're out, bitches! This girl was so bored of your peen. So, bored. She was snoring by the time you stuck it in. She could've had a V8. He should have known that the marriage was doomed before it started. She was just 4 years older than his daughter. HA!

Poor Joel he should hook back up with Christie Brinkley. They both have failed marriages and they actually stuck it out with each other for a long time. Get married again guys. They should become the faux Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor. SIKE!

Billy Joel go stick it where the sun doesn't shine. I'm sure you can find a new fresh hole.