Friday, August 7, 2009

Queremos Que El Pene

Like omg, we luv Benicio Del Toro. Just his name causes sensations between our legs. What can we say all girls fall prey to this Crawdaddy. Why wouldn't they? Why wouldn't we? Ahhhhhh, Gawd he makes bitches suck him off in an elevator because they can't lose the chance. That's probably the smartest thing Scarlett Johansson has ever done.

Shmanyways, in the words of Shirley from Garbage we feel this way for Del FUCK ME Toro: queremos morir por usted siente dolor para que usted nos toque un cuchillo y sangra el coraz├│n y nuestro dolor lacrim├│genos aparte. InFUCKINGdeed!

Here is this mofo's list of lucky young bitches:
Charlize Theron 33
Sophie Dahl 31
Heather Graham 39
Scarlett Johansson 24 (sucked him off after the Academy Awards in an elevator)
Lindsay Lohan 23 (probably did blow and then sucked him off)
Alicia Silverstone 32
Ines Misan 42
Monet Mazur 33
*just a lucky few*

We are done talking about these lucky hoes. If only we could spend time with this true Hispanic Aquarius Love GOD. Benicio 42 and lovin it.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

With no Hughes we have the blues

John Hughes, writer, director, and producer movies that spawned a hopeless/hopeful generation passed this morning. John passed due to Heart Attack.
We are sad. RIP

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Clooney has found new Poo-nanneeeeee

Salt water crustacean George Clooney has got a new piece. I swear he picks up and dumps bitches so fast. Go Speed Racer, Go! I hope his ass isn't that fast in bed. Gawd, can you imagine bumping uglies with 'Cloone What a Goone'. I bet when he is on top of a hoe, he grunts and BIG BEADS of white creamy sweat drop between gals itty bitties. Nasty.

Shmanyways, Clooney is dating Italian faux actress and model Elisabetta Canalis. Hoe is 30 and just like Cloone likes em. She is tall, brunette, and open for bizNezz! Just thinking about this shit gets me ready to go Voltron. Cloone thinks he is so ffffffffffucking awesome. Picking up hookers on terraces at hotels in Rome. WHATEVA Heather. Lick it up baby. LICK IT UP!!!!!!!

He is not Benicio Del Toro. Only Benicio can pull that shit. Wow, I just got all hot and bothered thinking about Benicio. So, screw this I need to go rent Excess Baggage and have some private know $.25 Cent peeps.

Son of Crawdaddy CAUGHT

Oh son of Crawdaddy Michael Douglas, CAUGHT fucking blazed out in a hotel room with over $18,000.00 worth of Meth(story from NY Post). Cameron Douglas better be glad that Lindz Blowhan wasn't around. She would've bathed in that meth and found some unsuspecting actress to lick out(looking at you Misha Barton)...Hell she might've gone back to her old ways and given Cameron a Blow Pop. Hehehe Blow Pop. It's hard to put down the dick.
Stupid Cameron you could've gotten a blow pop from Lindz instead busta is locked up, won't let him out.

What will Crawdaddy Michael think? Fuck he doesn't care. He's just going to finger Catherine Zeta and forget all about it.

We know we know

Sorry Vags and Peens! We've been busy. Don't you worry. We have more adventures from the watering hole coming in later on this evening. Get ready for some serious updates. xxx