Monday, December 19, 2011

You Were Lovely

Seeya never.

Sunday, November 20, 2011

This just in you can be annoyed not by Newsies but by my tweets. Follow me on twitter now for live AMAS crap!!!
Crawdaddies on twitter

Friday, November 4, 2011

Billy 'CRUD' gets with Meryl Streep's fruit of her loins

Billy Crudup is now dating Grace Gummer! Grace is 25. Billy is 43. Billy must have a complex. Maybe he gains confidence from having some young girl hang on his tiny peen.

I really can't like him! He dumped my boyfriend's celebrity crush Mary Louise Parker while she was 8 months pregnant to get with manface Claire Danes.  I admit I have a crush on MLP too. She's the tops. You don't come up from Mary Louise Parker unless it's like Parker Posey.

Guess he was a proud crawdaddy to be when he got with Claire. Does anyone remember he and Claire flaunting their stupid affair on the streets of New York?  It was like watching Frank's transformation in Hellraiser. Claire 'fire crotch Angela Chase-ing Jordan Catalano' Danes bites the big one. I can't take her and her Latisse eyelashes. The serial engaged actress is famous for dumping people and immediately finding some guy to eat her sloppy thirds. I think she's actually married now.  I'm done with talking about this harlet. It's all about Billy, right?

Claire Boo Danes & Billy Crudup
Billy and & Mary Lousie Parker

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Wilmer 'i likes young fanny' Valderamma is at it again

Seriously, Demi? Now you're gonna hit the skins with this old ass piece again. I just don't understand. I call bullshit. You need to take her young butt on down the street and mess with someone your own age.

Do I need to name all the young starlets Wilmer has screwed and screwed over?
Avril Lavigne, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Mandy Moore, Stephani Moore, Ashlee Simpson, and the one and only Lindsay Lohan. Demi and Lindsay are like sisters. Both of these ladies are in the industry, Disney Queens, been in and out of rehab, and now Wilmer. Ugh!
It must be the golden dick story. A tale as old as time.  Wilmer is a predator. Lookout, this molester crawdaddy bites.

Demi, get a freaking clue!  Leave the oldhead! You are 19!! Wait or something don't let this fool fool you.

Monday, October 31, 2011


I hope you have a scarrrrrry Halloween. All you hootchies who use this time to wear some scandalous outfit and catch and old ass man, beware and good luck. I would advise you to wear some white diamonds (the cologne).

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Imagine Me at 80

Ok ok ok ok ok ok ok ok just please please check this out.
Pretty pretty please with sugar on top!

Nixon is rolling over in his grave and not with a young 'hot' blonde

Grandson of Richard Nixon, Christopher Cocks  Cox loves it young. Back in early summer, Christopher married heiress Andrea Catsimatidis. He met this young snatch at her high school in Gossip Girls' Upper East Side. He was introduced to this piece and was ready to get the canoodling started. There was no time to keep this love affair G like Taylor and Jake. Cox was ready to get off like Ron Jeremy in Snatch Masters 9.

Christopher put it down on Andrea by taking her to bakeries and political events.  How could one deny the sure romantic appeal of cupcakes and legislation? You can't and that's why the two are now married.  After almost 5 months of marriage, we wish the two a happy crawdad boil.

Man, I hope Christopher lets Andrea go trick or treating this year.

I guess I need to put up some bull from Gossip Girl.
Hahahahahahahah xoxo crawaddies

Pumpkin Patch Princess

This couple seriously puts boo in booty. I mean the way this girl fidgets through an interview you'd think she had to pee or something. What is she on? It has to be speed. It can't be the dickmatization of Horace. Jeez, Horace needs to go back to the damn island.

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Daddy Crawdaddy

Lindsay's dad has done it again. The jerk is arrested. Tmz got a video of Michael Lohan pre-gaming it.  You know you gotta get warmed up before you try to be spiderman and leap off balconies.

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Leave it to Michael to steal Lindsay doing Playboy moment. Jeez, the drama.

Rent This

or not. Autumn in New York shows Gerbil Crawdaddy Richard Gere falling in love with the daughter of his other true love. It's horrible but if you like drinking white wine on sunday afternoon, watching lifetime movies that are straight bull, and the movie stars someone like Tori Spelling well this bitch is just for you! Mount up and enjoy a hamster butt ride of klennex, douche, and when Winona Ryder jumped the shark.


Colby, I love you. In honor of this informative expose I will dress in white and hand out bibles on halloween. My man and I were planning on giving taco bell condiments but I think we will do this instead. Hell, maybe handing out both is the answer. I can't deprive little witches, spidermen, charlie sheens, casey anthonys, and angel babies that new fire roasted sauce! Mmm mmm that is some good stuff right there. I love saying right therrrrrrrre. It's just fun.

Speaking of expose, I'm thinking of Expose'.

Shmanyways, I think I need to go to taco bell now.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Divorced Housewives

Kelsey discusses his issues dealing with crazy ass Camille to Piers Morgan.

That Crawdaddy is a MAN

Yeah, so we actually think that Jason looks pretty hot in this video. I know tastes are so subjective!!
 Jason is our new crawdaddy of the moment.

Monday, October 10, 2011

Crawdaddy Alert: Lindsay Lohan Get Money Hey hey hey ah ah

Lindsay and Vikram
Word on the streets is that Lindsay Lohan is on the streets. This is no streets of hard knocks. It's the street of getting rocks. Girl must have her diamonds. Am I right? Shmanyway, Miss L is coming off of some hard times. Oh, I could elaborate on the word HARD but I will refrain. I will try and keep the gutter a tad bit clean.. So, Linds has been spending time with hotelier Vikram. Some say this is no ordinary love like Sade. The others say it's some money for honey.

Vikram keeps our Lindsay living the life that she is now accustomed while she customizes her body for him. Oooooooohhhhhhhhweeeee. Got the ladies in church hats saying 'oh no today heavenly father'. Could this be true? Lindsay has denied to friends that she was an escort. However, her People's Court case is getting sticky. Yes, stciky and you nasty for going there. Gutter is a bit clean. Now why is her case sticky? It seems that Linds had some unwanted evidence that is making its way around the way she was making her way around the world selling her cookies. Who knew that Lindsay Lohan was an around the way girl? I bet LL Cool J.

Here's a bit of the evidence. Lindsay got a modeling job from Phillipp Plein. This 'job' was also given to Mischa Barton back in the day. OOOooooooooohhhhhhhweeeeee, now Lindsay is second to Mischa freaking Barton. WOW! Well, during the week of  modeling, jet setting, and heavy petting  Lindsay was spotted with several different men including her ever faithful pimp Vikram. There are some photos that look a little like things that make you go hmmm or ooh. Also, she is still living it up like she is making movies ie her new fab car.

Honestly, I'm not sure if she is selling her cookies like a Girl Scout but if she is I hope she sells them before they are stale.

Click HERE for some very interesting photos. I mean WOW.

Phillipp Plein & Lindsay Lohan

Oh Demi

We heart Cougar Demi. We are sorry that she is going through this 'oh he's just a man crap'. The new scoop on the saga is that Dem and Ash were on a camping holiday. I can only imagine the campfire tales that were told. I think in order for Demi to lock down ashton, she will need a damn padlock for his peen. Fa realz!

We hope they can work through it. Love is some crazy Young and the Restless type shit.

Poor Demi noticed the Oh lookey here camper who took SURPRISE photos. She asked the camper not to publish the photos but the camper was like this is my payday unless you have an indecent proposal.

read Radar Here.

I love this girl

Noel kristi Wells is my new crush. She's awesome and I hope she makes money to do all her skits and make us all enjoy life a little more. Doooooowop!

'Lookout he's got a baby and a gun'.

Fake Blake & Leonardo DiSnoozeio DONE

Yes it's horrible that I learned about this low rent gossip from Lara Spencer. It would be miles better if I learned about it from my girl skillets Kathie Lee and Hoda! Hahaha

Anyway, ya boy and ya girl announced a statement that the 5 month Disneyworld Beach Life love affair is OVA. Blah Blah! I'm sure he was just done. I mean how long did anyone expect him to be loving long time with his dude's ex side piece? I wonder how that dinner went when Leo and Blake showed up at Jen G. and Ben Affleck's house?  Wonder if Jen allowed Ben to gamble and booze it up with Leo? Dudes doing dude things. They trade girls, booze it up, and play poker after dark. I wonder what else they do after dark? Poke her after dark? I jokes.

For all you Gossip Girl douchers who were worried about Blake, don't. She's fine. Allegedly, she is on and poppin with Ryan Reynolds. Boooooo!
Ryan needs to stop frontin and just make it with Sandra Bullock. Team Bullock.

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1. FAP? NO Lara!!
2. Adele? UGH!!!! NO!!!!!
3. Lara Spencer? No, but she amuses me so Yes.

Friday, September 23, 2011

Brandy and Young Fannies TV Crawdaddy

Roger Sterling
Roger Sterling he’s a man’s man, a man about town. Just like Notorious BIG he ‘freaks all the honies’.  Sterling is a Silverfox OG.  He loooooves the young fanny. Sterling HADDDD to drop his wife MonA. The need to have Mid-life crisis sex and the adoration of a young girls totally beats out 'been there done that' Mona.

Aww Mona, she stuck with him through his heart attack and what did she get? D D D DDDDissed! So, many D's today. I'm not even covering for a curse word, not that I would. Oh well, I’m sure Mona is somewhere getting her hair done She's ready to be home to eat a cucumber sandwich and feel the cucumber of her new pool boy toy.

Back to Mr. Silverfox. It's time for the PLAYA HATIN GAME. Why? Because, he screwed over Joan. How can you screw over Joan Harris? Joan is the hottest thing in TV. You don’t enjoy the love of a genuine statuesque lady like Joan and get with a bore like Jane. Seriously, her name is Jane. Bah hum bug on that bowl of grade F womanizing. It’s all about the upgrade. Do you downgrade?

Joan & Sterling
Plain Jane & Her Grandad ;)

Molester Crawdaddy

Okay this is some Cheez Wiz Gouda right here. Why is Cowboy Troy telling women to get with Molester Crawdaddies? This is just so terrible. Oh and for all you about to be trippin sayin i'm making light of molesters and Crawdaddies, remain calm. Chill it, put it in your pocket, and fart on it.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Beyonce Crawdaddy catcher is bringing back The Heart Family

Okay, this girl on Toddlers and Tiaras wants to be brown like Beyonce.
I like this!!!!!!! Finally, it's all happening. Woot Woot finally equality.
Thanks Beyonce!

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I miss my Heart Family dolls. Ugh, puberty is lame!

Saturday, July 30, 2011

Do you know a daddy?

A crawdaddy that is. Please send us a pic of a local crawdaddy in your area. We'd love to get the dizirt!

Please hit us up at

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Blessed with a beautiful gift

This is just so great! Courtney is talking about her blessings. She gives true people with faith and love of God a bad name. She's an old soul and mature for her age, ha! She's an old soul with new breasts and on coke. This is just something.

Who am I to disregard true love. Hey Doug says if 'I (We)need to feel this way' do it. it's only mine (Ours) to hold. It isn't for him and sweet little Cortney to hold on to. Well then Doug you just hold on to those fake breasts and Cortney just hold on to the sag peen and everything is alriiiiiiiiiight.

Just crazy. i mean that face that she makes.

One good thing is that Lara is finaooy doing some hard hitting news. Hehehehe.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Roofie Colada Crawdaddy

Quagmire from Family Guy. This is some anime dick that we would not be fucking. This toon will fuck anything!  He is a molester, convicted sex offender, scoundrel, lover, a man that has mommy issues, good friend, and hard worker. He will do it to any girl just to feel that empty space from his breakup with Cheryl Tiegs. Pretty over the top and active for 61 year old man. 

Verdict: Hide yo kids hide yo wife!

Below a videos of yo boy getting jiggy.


Friday, July 1, 2011

Shia Ladouche

To cool for a duel
I mean ugh. this dude is the hippest and the most full of himself guy in the world. Kelly Ripa  is telling this fool that he is the next Harrison Ford. I guess that means Karolyn's ass will not be sticking around because later in life he will find his Calista.

Yup, it's gonna happen. All these heart-shaped pizza pies this girl is making will always be remembered with love. Hmm, I wonder if when that pizza comes out of Shia LaDouche's butt if it's still in a shape of a heart?

Should I be shot that I want to see the video with Marilyn Manson and the one with Kid Cudi???

Kelly Ripa I miss the old Kelly!

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Romance Hater...Holding it Tightly

Oh my good Gawd, on a Holy Morning Sundaaaaay. This is a day that truly the lord has made.

First off the holy trinity of shows True Blood begins it’s season premier tonight. Woot mofo’s woot. I can’t wait! My thrill in watching it will be like the thrill I get when i pull out hot panties from the dryer and slip them on after a shower…joyous.

Secondly, I trolled around the World Wide Web and found my dearest dearest silver fox Anderson (he ain’t the cooper I want but can’t have because he is the finest agent in the world who loves a good cup of joe. it's the cooper I can’t have because he ain’t caring about my ass and he already got a man) Cooper was talking about Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchinson...joyous. Can you follow my bull down the street? For your sake I hope you can’t.

Schmanyways, the foxiness called out all us Romance Haters on dissing on this newly married couple. It was truly dazzling. He added the couple to his RiDICKulist in  a manner that we just swoon over.

Check check check check it out!

 Also, check out I got a man

ps. it was so hard to choose between romance hater or holding it tightly as the title of this crock. which one would you have gone with?  

It's up to you New York

Congrats New York!!!!!! Crawdaddies gives it up to you.
New York passed a bill 33-29 legalizing gay marriage. Big UPS!

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

DHARMA Crawdaddy of the molester variety

Where to start? This is all kinds of fuckery and perverted dharma dick madness. So, Doug Hutchinson (Horace from Lost) is now married to a 16 year old girl by the name of Courtney Stodden. DOUBLE TAKE…TRIPLE TAKE!!!!

Yes, this fool was able to marry this girl. He also is producing her record. WOW. I guess that’s how they fell in ‘love’. Really? Have you seen this girl? She looks like a 24 year old playboy bunny/ hooker. I wonder if I’m under some legal obligations not to talk about a minor. Nope because she’s not a child. She’s a bitch. Yeah, I said it. Come and get me. Actually, please don’t unless you’re comin with a Long Island Iced Tea, an US Weekly, Now and Laters, and that boat that Courtney is chillin on in her video ‘Don’t Put It On Me’.

Okay, that’s just funny. ‘Don’t Put It On Me’???!!! Really? I mean isn’t it on her? Where are her crazy ass parents? These people thought it was okay for their daughter to marry this dharma dick molester. Well, it’s not okay. It’s not. If they are in love and you just ‘love doug’, well then let them just F around. That’s all they are doing anyway. Why do they have to get married? Can’t they wait? Oh, I guess not the love is too strong.

I’m shaking my head right now and barfing up my chicken salad sand bc this shit is so foul. I mean what is she getting out of him? Ohhhh, she’s getting a daddy, a crawdaddy and someone to make her whack ass tracks!

He is getting young vag. Ugh!!! I’m just so sick about this shit.

She can't be 16?
Yeah, I watch Law & Order SVU but it hasn’t prepared me for this. Yeah, I know about Chaplin, Chuck Berry, Woody Allen, Morgan Freeman, R. Kelly…oh I guess I am prepared for this.

This girl can't be serious. Wtf is she drinking? SHE'S UNDERAGE!!!!!! COPS!!!!!!!

Monday, June 20, 2011

Alert Alert Alert

FakeBlake Lively is our new Crawdaddy Alert! This bitch is out and ready to catch her own crawdaddy. Hooker! I can’t stand that whore. The hate is graduated because I like her style. The dresses this daddy bait wears are fuckin killa.

Well, that mermaid look she tried to rock with the red Ariel hair was just damn bad but everyone has a down day. Oops, Sorry I got lost in the fashionista world and we’re not talking about that we’re talking about Blake the dick snatcher.

She looooooooves Scorpios. Water signs= easy catch crawdaddies. I mean you might as well walk around with hot sauce and tartar b/c it’s that easy. Show some young pingpang and whooooooaaaaaaaaa Nelly Fart Furtado you got a crawdaddy.

Penn Badgley, Ryan Gosling, and her new rank stank over-rated model butt fucker king of the world douche piece Leonardo DiCaprio are all Scorpios. Bitch likes to get wet.

Be on the lookout for this girl. She’s coming for you old geezers!

P.S. Soon we will get to Leonardo’s trifling ass ways but that’s another post.
Stay tuned.
Why do some people forget this shit? Seriously, it's time to let a fucking ho know.

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Russell probably has a strong muscle

Russell Edgington aka. King of Mississippi, is a TV Crawdaddy extraordinaire. This mofo is 2800 years old. His former now dead lover Talbot was only 700. Ooohhhhhh weeeeee that sure is gettin it in. These 2 met in Greece and were thick as thieves until Talbot got staked in the heart while being gotten from behind by Eric Northman…so sad.

We’re not for sure if we will see Russell this season of True Blood but we will think of him fondly.

Here are two of Russell’s best moments: 

Yes, I'm so gonna piss myself on June 26. #tbwithdrawal fo sure!

Mel is back at it

He sure is a real American Hero! I tell you he is true. Mel Gibson is a true Crawdaddy. He can’t leave it alone. Let’s see how long it takes before Stella gets her cash reward for getting caught like bait from this ole crustacean from the sea.

Check out TMZ for more details of ughness!