Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Jake loves a blonde beard

Jake muthafuckin Gyllenhaaboring. I swear he did Donnie Darko and that's all this sad sack has done for me. I think everything he's put out after is a bloody tampon left in the halls of Harvard.

Yes, there is some dirty bitch leaving her used bids all over the building. She's just like Jakey wanting to share her efforts. I don't need it. I don't want it. I don't need Love and Other Drugs. I don't need Brokeback. I have a broke back from my non sleep number bed. I don't need Jarhead or Zodiac, snooze. It's just sleepy time. Where's the warm milk Mrs. Cleaver?

I think all the celebHo's like this couple. Are you guys crazy? I mean this bitch didn't get drizUNK on her 21st birthday.How fucking boring is that? Who cares about this boring ass relationship. It's as stale as the banana nut muffin these bitches pick up at Frothy Monkey. 

I was flipping through one of my trash mags. I think it was Us Weekly and it had a map of their jaunts of third grade romance. Can you imagine these two doing it? It just grosses me out. Yes, I'm being hateful. It just seems bland like your momma's turkey. The shit needs some gravy. **Gravy is not a condiment**

Shmanyways, we were talking about Jakey and Tay Tay. We'll see how long Taylor can handle not gettin it full on from Jake. Swan child needs to hook it back up with John Mayer. Less boring. It fits. A duck face and a man who likes to eat it. That made no sense but whatever.

Jake is 30. Taylor is 21. He's a sag. She's a sag with a vag. Let's see what happens or not. I will try not to ever talk about these two again. Jake has a thing for BLONDE beards. Taylor has a thing for being lame so this might be FOREVER.

1 comment:

  1. i can confirm on good authority that our little miss tay tay likes mozzarella sticks and killing mice.

    and gay guys. TRUE story. TRUE life.


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