Spitzer put IT in the Kisser

Damn, this gemini is going to ruin it for all us good geminis. Seriously, there are good Gems. Eliot Spitzer born June 10, 1959. FUCK! He was born one day earlier than me. Bastard! Anyway, this man wasn't getting his dicked licked right by his wife. Poor lady. Silda Wall (his wife) probably didn't think she needed to blow him anymore. She thought she was done. Nope! Bitch you gotta suck the dick. Always have a hold of it. Never let it go. As soon as you stop sucking it...some other hooker with less class than you will take hold of it and get to it. They will grad it and wash it in their mouth like its laundry, then ring it out to dry. MMM MMM smells Downy Fresh. 
Hahahaha. No, I feel sorry for the next candidate for the Good Wife. Heehehehe. Forgive the tangent. Shmanyways, he was in need so he through out some green and got his peen licked. PERIOD!!!!!


Eliot Spitzer the Governor of New York, until bitch had to resign because he got caught with his dirty laundry, fell prey to the pussy. Will you dudes ever learn? I mean how many times does this have to happen? I bet he is still doing something dirty. Spitzer got caught spending two hours with Ashley Rae Maika DiPietroz (wannabee singer all around prostitute whore). This girl must have good game. It's $1,000.00 an hour to hang with this open to all beef curtain. Spitzer belonged to some prostitution service named Emperor Club VIP. He did it with over 8 different women. That's alot of MONEY! His bank reported his dealings because they noticed large quantities of money being transferred. STUPID. VERY STUPID.


Poor Ashley, (known to the recording industry as Ashley Dupre') what is she going to do for money? This 24 year old whore is going to do some dating  reality show.  Of course! That's it ladies. Now, we know how to make our money. 
1. Get a bogus last name.
2. Join an escort service. BE A WHORE.
3. Scandal ie. rapper, politician, sports figure
4. Get caught
5. Reality TV SHOW= MONEY MONEY MONEY

So, scratch that not poor ashley not poor anyone. All of the players in this story are cliche and boring. We are truly sorry we even PAID (hehehe) it this much attention.











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Maybe we made it happen, captain

Aww damn, Roman. They are trying to get yo ass. Extradite on dat ass. What is this mofo going to do? Man he needs some quaaludes to deal. Oh well, we wonder if the award this brother was about to receive was worth this. Someone is going to have their ding dong schling schlong sucked on up if they enter those prison walls...Soooo different from the walls of a vag.

Crawdaddies fall prey to Panettiere

Okay, this is more about Hayden Panettiere. She is the queen of dating Crawdaddies. I mean this bitch is 20 and is only fucking Crawdaddies. She thinks she is hot hot stuff. No, Donna Summer you are not! When we look at her, we think she must smell like Elizabeth Arden Red Door and fragranced Playtex Tampons.

Poor poor Milo. He fell prey. I think she is where Crawdaddies go to die. This bitch is a Crawdad catcher. She goes down to the watering hole. Sucks up all the Crawdads with her beef curtains. She heads back home and then plays with one Crawdaddy for awhile, while keeping the others locked up in her Pussy lab until she's ready to fuck them then bite their heads off. She's our modern day Black Widow. Fuck that, WHITE Widow! Shmanyways, Milo Ventimiglia, 31, who plays Peter Pertelli on Heroes was dumped by the WHITE Widow. ALERT ALERT she is now trying to get the dude kicked off the show. Why? Because she is a douche. Litte Ms. White Bitch Widow needed to go out every night and show her snatch to somebody. However, Milo is not down with the scene. So, what happens. WHITE Widow gets pissed and then goes into her Pussy lad for some other Crawdad.

The Crawdad she picked... fucking Harry Morton. Lindsay Blowhan's old dick. Seriously? Wow. Who are these bitches? Harry Morton, 28, heir to Hard Rock Chain, spilled out of the Pussy lab to become sponsor to food, coke, and fun. Boooooring. Then she dumped his ass for we roll our eyes Stephen Colleti. Who is he? Some kid who was on that Reality Show Laguna Beach. We know. We know. You hate us. That's all we're going to say about his ass. Who cares? You do. Sorry, we just mentioned his ass because her Pussy Lab is so full who knows whats going to fall out next. We are interested. We figured you might be as well.

We feel sorry for all the Crawdaddies that cross this bitches path. She is a true Crawdaddy Catcher. Here's to you, Hayden! Can't wait to see your next unsuspecting Crawdaddy.

Yeah we IS da WORST

We know. We know. We haven't updated this shit in awhile. It's been crazy and there are so many Crawdaddies to discuss. Here's the deal Pussays and Diiiiiiiiicks,

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Local Crawdaddies

Oh, you want to be in the know? Well, here it is mofo's. Our first installment of a Local Crawdaddy. His name is Joe McMahan. He's an amazing musician, dad, and a major heartthrob. Women swoon to be in his company including yours truly. However, this hunk of burnin love has been seen around town with youngin Laura Lester. Is something brewing between this 49 and 23 year old? We think so. It looks like Laura (puppeteer and sex kitten)has been going down to the watering hole! Good luck guys.

Ps. If you spot a local crawdaddy and his lady send us there pic!!!!

FUCKING HEINOUS CRAWDAD

Ok, this guy is not a joke and a complete bastard! Fashion Designer Anand Jon Alexander is sentenced to 59 years to life in prison for the assault and rape of several women. This needy assmunch lured women to LA for a so called modeling career. Alexander was convicted of 14 counts of assault plus forcible rape.

We honestly don't know what to say about this. It's all kinds of messed up. Seriously, why? You poor unfortunate soul. We hope these brave women will be able to move past this and we hope you get raped in jail and ask for forgiveness.

Vicarious Crawdaddy

Billy Ray Cyrus you are such a vicarious crawdaddy. You love your daughter soooooo much. Yet, you respect the father daughter relationship. So what can you do? You live vicariously through your daughters romances. I mean we know you cross the line; not wanting Miley to cut her hair or change her teeth. Also, why do you care so much about Miley's teeth? Mmm mmm.

Now, some of you may think we are wrong for this but riddle me this Batman. Why did Crawdaddy think it was ok for Miley to dance on a pole at the Teen Choice Awards? Bitch is still underage. On a side note, why is Miley such a slut? We think she has taken lessons from Kate 'Herpes' Hudson. Betcha that Miley will be visiting the local clinic real soon. I mean she already is sang about in songs by Drake and Lil Wayne. Damn and thats some shit. Singin about Miley's fug face. But shmanyways, now we're just being mean.

This is about Billy Ray Cyrus. None to some backwoods bitches as 'Get N Dem Pants Cyrus',you nasty ass hoes. Well, what you may not know is that Billy Ray is a secret hoe. I mean he was married two times but supposedly was still getting some ping pang. He is also a baby's daddy.

He is married to Tish Finley. They have three children including Miley. He also has another kid named Cody. He is the same age as Miley but mom is unknown to us assholes. Also, he has two adopted children. Adoptive children are the best!!!!!!! Seriously, we recommend it. I mean argh sooooo much better than Miley.

Oh well our Achy Breaky heart can't talk about this Vicarious Crawdaddy anymore. We all know the truth, ruth. The truth is, he cant have it so he will imagine it. We kid. Just the hardy ha ha ha's. Can't you take a damn joke. Nah, we're serious.

Monday Blues

Happy Monday Mofo's! It's early and we wish we could've woken up with a dick and a sausage biscuit. Mercury will be going into retrograde this month. WARNING WARNING WARNING. Be extra cautious of your words. Try to remain calm...In other news of the apocalpyse, Jenna Bush (daughter of George 'we want him dead' Bush) will be a news coorespondent for the White House for the Today Show. Gross.

Summer is dead people. Get your fall on.

Oh well, we will be getting up on the Crawdaddy updates later this afternoon. Until then, go back to bed.