FUCKING HEINOUS CRAWDAD

Ok, this guy is not a joke and a complete bastard! Fashion Designer Anand Jon Alexander is sentenced to 59 years to life in prison for the assault and rape of several women. This needy assmunch lured women to LA for a so called modeling career. Alexander was convicted of 14 counts of assault plus forcible rape.

We honestly don't know what to say about this. It's all kinds of messed up. Seriously, why? You poor unfortunate soul. We hope these brave women will be able to move past this and we hope you get raped in jail and ask for forgiveness.

Vicarious Crawdaddy

Billy Ray Cyrus you are such a vicarious crawdaddy. You love your daughter soooooo much. Yet, you respect the father daughter relationship. So what can you do? You live vicariously through your daughters romances. I mean we know you cross the line; not wanting Miley to cut her hair or change her teeth. Also, why do you care so much about Miley's teeth? Mmm mmm.

Now, some of you may think we are wrong for this but riddle me this Batman. Why did Crawdaddy think it was ok for Miley to dance on a pole at the Teen Choice Awards? Bitch is still underage. On a side note, why is Miley such a slut? We think she has taken lessons from Kate 'Herpes' Hudson. Betcha that Miley will be visiting the local clinic real soon. I mean she already is sang about in songs by Drake and Lil Wayne. Damn and thats some shit. Singin about Miley's fug face. But shmanyways, now we're just being mean.

This is about Billy Ray Cyrus. None to some backwoods bitches as 'Get N Dem Pants Cyrus',you nasty ass hoes. Well, what you may not know is that Billy Ray is a secret hoe. I mean he was married two times but supposedly was still getting some ping pang. He is also a baby's daddy.

He is married to Tish Finley. They have three children including Miley. He also has another kid named Cody. He is the same age as Miley but mom is unknown to us assholes. Also, he has two adopted children. Adoptive children are the best!!!!!!! Seriously, we recommend it. I mean argh sooooo much better than Miley.

Oh well our Achy Breaky heart can't talk about this Vicarious Crawdaddy anymore. We all know the truth, ruth. The truth is, he cant have it so he will imagine it. We kid. Just the hardy ha ha ha's. Can't you take a damn joke. Nah, we're serious.

Monday Blues

Happy Monday Mofo's! It's early and we wish we could've woken up with a dick and a sausage biscuit. Mercury will be going into retrograde this month. WARNING WARNING WARNING. Be extra cautious of your words. Try to remain calm...In other news of the apocalpyse, Jenna Bush (daughter of George 'we want him dead' Bush) will be a news coorespondent for the White House for the Today Show. Gross.

Summer is dead people. Get your fall on.

Oh well, we will be getting up on the Crawdaddy updates later this afternoon. Until then, go back to bed.

We LUV Agent Crawdaddies

Oh agent Dale Cooper, nothing compares to you except maybe Bill Compton but that's it.

You are my absolute favorite. I adore you and ever since I was in 8th grade, you have set the standards for my love life.

Agent Dale Cooper 30, had intimate bonds with several young women: Audrey Horne, 18 (who is by far the hottest chick ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) Annie Blackburn, 20 and Caroline Earle (age unknown yet we know is young from a retelling of the story to Audrey).

Agent Dale Cooper is dreamy, smart, magical, sex on stick, a good dresser minus the plaid shirts of Second Season and most of all he is a knight. Rescue me Coop!

Dj Crawdaddy

Well hell, woke up from a night of Djing for MJ's birthday last night to find out that DJ AM died. This is crazy, seriously. This is some Final Destination type shit, like you can't escape death. This is not to make light of his death. It's just really bananas.

DJ AM's friends were worried about him after not hearing from him for a couple of days. They went to check on him and were not able to get him to answer the door. Authorities were called. The police arrived and knocked down the door. DJ AM was found dead in his apartment at age 36, in sweat pants and no shirt. Supposedly, there was a crack pipe and other drug paraphernalia found on the scene.

Honestly, I do feel sorry for his friends and family. It must be hard to wrap your head around the fact that he survived something almost fated, to pass on a year later.

I hope this DJ Crawdaddy is playing tunes in the sky.

P.S. I hope Blowhan wont go on some dick sucking coke filled rager due to her missing her friend or maybe I do.

Here are some picks of this Crawdaddy with some of his honies.

Do You Remember the Times

Oh, we miss the days of ole Jackie Boy and Lara Flynn Boyle. It was ripe with sex, a side eye, a turned up nose, the need to give Lara a cheeseburger and sew her asshole together. We were big fans of this combination. Actually we hoped this would last for a little while longer.

We've always liked Donna Hayward. As far as Jack is concerned. He's a fierce actor and gets major Cho Cho. I mean really lets go through some of this man's box travels:

Candice Bergen

Karen Mayo
Jessica Lange

Michelle Phillips

Bebe Buell

Margaret Trudeau

Faye Dunway (who he actually screwed on set)

Suze Randall

Anjelica Huston (the longest relationship but got fucked bc he fucked and got someone preggers)

and my friend Amanda...well in her dreams. One of my girlfriends a long time ago had a sex fantasy of Jack when he looked like One Flew Over the Poon's Nest.

Shmanyways, life imitates art mofo's and he's even a Crawdaddy in the movies. In Something's Gotta Give, Jack dates a younger woman BUT falls for her mom. He's a true player in and out of celluloid. Well, we hope that Jack can bring about another new young twat to a Lakers Game. Until then we will think fondly of the times we thought Lara and Jack would always and forever do it from the back.

G's up Hoe's Down.

Seriously People

Okay, why am I still seeing McCain Palin bumpers. I mean they are even done...let it go!
That is all.

Jason Statham needs more Snatch

Jason Statham. You may know him from such films as Lock Stock and Two smoking Barrels, Crank, Snatch, The Italian Job, and the Transporter films. With the Transporter films Jason has upgraded in his Snatch department. Jason likes em all. Well, likes em all with BIG BOOBS. The bigger the better. He just wants to stick his ping pong between those floatation devices and forget how many crunches he's done for the day.

I mean that man probably does 700 crunches a day. He probably uses women during sex as weights. Lifting them up and down. He throws them up in the sky and catches them with his peen, nasty ass. Well, most of Jason's women are no name actress that we could give two shits about. Actually, we don't care about Jason either. He dated that girl Sophie Monk. Argh. That bitch dated the likes of 'Nanny Fucker' Jude Law, Benji dog face Madden, and believe it or not Ryan Gaycrest. Heeehehehehehe. I bet Jason wants that off his roster. Currently, Jason is dating 25 year old Alex Zosman. Rumour on the street is that Alex use to be an escort. Awww shit, some Pretty Woman shit right there. Google it. You'll get the 411. Anyway, she must not be giving Jason what he needs because he has been around the block with other girls while dating her. One of those blocks he ventured is supposedly Kate 'Herpes' Hudson. Also, Jason was seen cuddling up to Kristin Crapalari. God, we shouldn't even talk about that no name bitch. She is no name.

Anyway, we hope Jason can still keep getting his young Snatch. He can Transport those pussies!

P.S. Just for shits and giggles here is an interview with him and those stale Cool Ranch Dorito Hoes on the Today Show.